The Dark Night of the Soul

I was tested severely I was in the hospital with septicemia and massive infection at my recent surgery. My oxygen dropped I had spasms that were ten out of ten on the doctors pain scale every few minutes. Around the Clock. I could not eat; I could not sleep much. I could not think, I could not pray very well. My mind would not focus.

Jesus went into the garden at Gethsemane. “My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death.” Matthew26: 38.

How many of us have either experienced this feeling or know someone who has? I am weeping for friends who died alone in the “COVID-19” Ward. I see a man I love whose soul was weakened to death last I saw him because his beloved wife was dying. He followed her in three days. I am certain Jesus welcomed them in heaven, but before he went there, he had to suffer hell in the flesh. And of course with the so called pandemic each died alone. They were nice people.

I think of the man who froze to death in a parking garage last winter; there would be many more, but for the shelters and the kindness of donors who built them. I think of a young man who left, had his own apartment and eight months clean. He was found overdosed the next day.

I am thinking of two men churchgoers who were good friends who I did not see were going to kill themselves, and all the others I have known who killed themselves.

And when I was in so much pain I was desperate, unable to think or read scripture to eat or rest or pray. I begged the nurses for something besides a narcotic to make these horrible spasms stop but they said it was all they had, so I took one. Then, with my brain paralyzed my body weakened and losing blood the devil attacked me. He sent demons and visions of horrible things around me swirling. It did not help with the pain at all but the devil surrounded me with pictures of slavering with elongated teeth and other things I won't describe here. He attempted to put ugly thoughts into my head. Being aware of him, I fought and I cried “Jesus, help!” and also “Father, do not leave me!” God sent Angels to lift me on their wings of gold through the dark of night.

“Going a little farther he fell with his face to the ground and prayed.” Matthew 26: 39.

Oh my heart! My soul! I was breaking and if I could have stood I would have thrown myself to the ground and prayed. Have you been to this place? Wracked in pain unable to bear it crying out “God help me.” are you there now? This is part of the walk we walk. God sent me to a different room where all the nurses were Angels. They gave me every kind and tender touch. They spoke as Christians. He sent a pastor to visit and lift me up.

The homeless people at the shelter (I love every one of them) set me a card and also my classmates from 1965. Both brought tears to my eyes. I wrote before that God does not abandon us who love him. But the faith I have was affirmed and confirmed in this experience. Yes, he sent Angels and Angel people and he banished Satan and guarded me day and night. He treated me as one treats his own baby, precious and tender. I was losing blood but the doctors finally heard me and got more appropriate treatment for my spasms and pain. And I did not need any more narcotics. I am now well and gaining strength. I am filled with joy at the Holy Spirit. I testified to my church friends and I feel so blessed for

them I am planning to go to the shelter even though I will still need another week to be cleared for work. “

“For he will command his Angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways; They will lift you up with their hands so that you will not strike your foot against a stone. You will tread on the lion and the cobra; Trample the great lion and the serpent.” Psalm 91: 11- 33.

God is ever faithful. Whether you have cancer or other challenges or are afflicted in your soul, I have seen myself as a witness and I testify as if in court: He really does come to his faithful in the hour of pain and fear and other hard challenges; In The tempest and flood and earthquake if we call on him. He did for me, and he does. Believe me. I am with cancer and do not lie. This was real. Be blessed. God is nigh.